One of the most important responsibilities adoptive parents have is telling their children their adoption story. They should begin this discussion when the child is an infant, and work it into their everyday conversations in a natural way. Waiting to tell a child until they are “older” or mature enough to understand can leave them feeling disoriented and disconnected from their past.
Parents should also consider how they want to handle questions from outsiders. It is important for parents to know what kinds of information about their child’s birth family they are comfortable sharing with extended families and neighbors. Some people may be curious about the details of a birth mother’s story, such as her financial struggles or fertility treatment. It is okay to share this type of information with close friends and family members, but it’s not appropriate to share it with strangers.
Adoptive parents can help their children prepare for intrusive questions by forming a version of their own adoption story they can give to others. This can help them feel confident in their understanding of their origin and make it easier to answer nosy questions from acquaintances or family members with whom they do not have a close relationship. It is also important for parents to remember that their adopted child’s birth story belongs to them, not just to the parents who adopted them. Adoptive parents should be careful not to overshare their own opinions or beliefs about the child’s birth family and their decision to place the child for adoption.